Coming to terms: Remembering Darshit Patel (July 12, 1982-July 13, 2003)
I was reading online today about traffic rules in florida and about drinking and driving and whatever else there was to read. there was good information on the effects of drugs on the brain. of course, the main focus was alcohol but every now and then, my mind drifted to someone. darsh. i miss him. he was a friend that would make you laugh by just seeing him. he was always happy. i remember when i found out that he was dead how it took days to sink in that darsh would not be there with his funny gujrati accent and his hilarious remarks. the thing is darsh died in an accident and when i went to his funeral, the person in the coffin did not resemble darsh....it did not even look close to what he looked like. the smile was fake. anyone who knew darsh would know that. his smile was the first thing everyone noticed about him. it was contagious. even people who claimed to not like him, missed him when he was gone....and in his death, he pulled the entire feuding club community at our college together.
i often meet vishal and we talk about darsh. it pains us to speak of him because darsh was vishal's best friend...and to me, darsh was one of the persons who i looked for in school because he would always do something to make you laugh. all through the readings..my mind wavered to darsh...when he was alive, when i heard the news that he died, and when i went to his funeral...
he was only 21 and everyone who knew him went to his birthday party. we were vacationing with family in jupiter, florida that weekend. when we came back, there was a message on the phone from a club member that we were at odds with and she said that darsh was dead. darsh died the morning after his 21st birthday in a head on collision with a post on the florida turnpike. after seeing him at the funeral, i can never really tell vishal (because i know it would affect him) but i am afraid of being on a major highway...especially at night. i know that he fell asleep at the wheel. he was always tired. that was one thing that he always complained of...never getting enough sleep.
it took me a year and a half later to realize that darsh didnt look like darsh because the people at the funeral home had to remake his face. he looked like a burn victim in the coffin. his color was pasty and it seemed as if he had taken the darshness out of the body that laid there. the animating principle was gone...his soul was already gone. he wasnt wearing his seatbelt when he crashed and he was thrown through the windscreen of the van onto the post. his head hit first. i am not saying this to say anything bad about darsh but from the frankness of the observation. his shoe was on the side of the road and his cell phone was in pieces in the picture. the only comforting thing was that he died on impact.
the monday before he died, we were discussing our plans for later on in life. darsh was different that day. he told me his entire life story and about his life at his uncle's house. he was in love with this girl in miami and he wanted to go to a public university there so he could be closer to her. i remember how nan and i used to tease him about going to see her. he told me that his uncle was very mean to him at times and he had a very rough life at his house. there was something he told me that stood out. almost at the end of our conversation, he told me that if he wanted to leave, everything he ever owned was packed in one little bag in a corner of the room he stayed in and all he had to do was take the bag. all the while, he kept smiling...as if to say that he had overcome his problems and they were only just memories.
i know that he didnt live a long life like many others but his life touched everyone he met. we have a little rock at the college with his name on it and there are some flowers planted around it. it is close to where everyone would hang out and talk to him if we saw him in school and right outside the room we held his memorial service in. sometimes i dont like going back there because the memories come back...but at times, there is great solace in going and looking at this rock with his name on it.
i cannot really understand why i will think of darsh now...lately my mind has been on him. i think i was affected more than i thought and i know that i miss him. i didnt see him much but his presence was greatly appreciated when i did see him. i remember when i first entered FAU, i used to ask the desis if they knew darsh. the other day, i passed the funeral home where we did his service and i thought of him. maybe he sees us all...and he laughs the same way at all of us. the westerners have a philosophy that there are angels that god sends to walk amongst us and cheer us up...and if so, darsh was one of them.
Monday, November 14, 2005
Sunday, November 13, 2005
The Book
A little fellow one day got presented a book
and within it, a pen.
He was told to have a look,
to say whether he liked or no
in order that the pages should go
to a printer's that is...
He opened and scanned
then began a penning,
a change per page.
The white got scratchy and blotchy
but the story got a twist
that could not be missed.
Upon the chapter last,
the author began his address:
"My story you changed,
arranged and signed.
You played upon words mine;
Why pray tell?"
Laddie said, "For this story to sell,
it needed a bell,
a ring to the pen, sir....
I dinna like it, so I changed it."
And the author smiled.
--Vamini R.
2:50-3:07am, Tuesday, January 14, 2003......
A little fellow one day got presented a book
and within it, a pen.
He was told to have a look,
to say whether he liked or no
in order that the pages should go
to a printer's that is...
He opened and scanned
then began a penning,
a change per page.
The white got scratchy and blotchy
but the story got a twist
that could not be missed.
Upon the chapter last,
the author began his address:
"My story you changed,
arranged and signed.
You played upon words mine;
Why pray tell?"
Laddie said, "For this story to sell,
it needed a bell,
a ring to the pen, sir....
I dinna like it, so I changed it."
And the author smiled.
--Vamini R.
2:50-3:07am, Tuesday, January 14, 2003......
Wednesday, November 09, 2005
Sunday, November 06, 2005
I wanted to write for the longest time and i felt that i was going crazy while the hurricane passed us. even after it was long gone, it left us without electricity for nine days. it was nine very unusual days though. i documented all of them and i will share them soon. however, i wanted to write of something that i had in mind all the time since i was first introduced to it.
on the night of the hurricane, i read siddhartha from beginning to end. i realized many things while reading the book and even after i am still thinking. i can almost hear the wheels turning in my head...at these times i feel as if my brain is one of those naked watches where you can see the wheels rotating inside...and you can almost hear them if you stop and listen too.
well here's the deal with siddhartha....
it was an exceptional book in that it makes one think long after one has finished reading. it makes you evaluate your presence here and it makes you wonder if you are here to take up space on earth or if each person has a higher aspiration in life that we are oft times diverted from. well there is something else that i was thinking too...my mind is at crossroads and when that happens, you have to stop only long enough to make a decision on what road to take or else before you know it, the roads disappear and you are left in the middle of a forested wood with no roads....
i think this is the root of my restlessness right now.
i was raised in a traditional hindu way and i grew up in ritual hinduism. many times i never really understood what the rituals were meant for but as i grew older, i investigated and saw why they were necessary. however, the problem comes with the promise that L. Krsna gives to Arjuna in the Bhagavad Gita. He says in ch 4, v. 7-8 that he comes from time to time to reestablish dharma or restore righteousness if there is a threat to dharma....so i understand the purpose of L. Rama and L.Krsna's respective incarnations.....but then why do most Hindus not include L. Buddha when he is the 9th incarnation of L.Vishnu?
L. Buddha lived in the middle ages and at that time the world was in deep turmoil and the blood of many innocent lives were shed in the so-called "name of god" when it was really only to satisfy man's baser qualities. so there was a reincarnation. and the incarnate lived a life that was supposed to set an example. he did not give any scriptural injunctions nor did he say follow me, he left people to choose their path by looking at him and deciding what they would do based on his example. he did not set rules nor did he come to make a new religion. but yet, there is a new religion formed...he came to set hinduism right.....i guess. he showed us that the rituals needed to be performed upon ourselves and that god dwelled within us and we would realize the supreme within ourselves if we persisted and persevered....
sanatan dharma is deeply intertwined within the culture of the hindus and the hindu culture was formed in the ancient times....just like the other ancient civilizations like the mayas and the aztec that are no longer alive today...we see societal structures like theirs in our hinduism...so when and where do we distinguish religion from culture...when do we realize that there are some things that are not really needed that exist today and prevent us from truly realizing our supreme goals in life?...as a hindu, it is here i decide which road i walk...whether i walk the road of the hindus, or as a hindu, i walk my own road with the guidance of my inner being..........isn't this what hinduism really is....our interpretation and our version of what we think the supreme really is...and when we finally choose a path, we stick to that path and concentrate on it until the seeds split and eventually a tree with fruits replaces it?
on the night of the hurricane, i read siddhartha from beginning to end. i realized many things while reading the book and even after i am still thinking. i can almost hear the wheels turning in my head...at these times i feel as if my brain is one of those naked watches where you can see the wheels rotating inside...and you can almost hear them if you stop and listen too.
well here's the deal with siddhartha....
it was an exceptional book in that it makes one think long after one has finished reading. it makes you evaluate your presence here and it makes you wonder if you are here to take up space on earth or if each person has a higher aspiration in life that we are oft times diverted from. well there is something else that i was thinking too...my mind is at crossroads and when that happens, you have to stop only long enough to make a decision on what road to take or else before you know it, the roads disappear and you are left in the middle of a forested wood with no roads....
i think this is the root of my restlessness right now.
i was raised in a traditional hindu way and i grew up in ritual hinduism. many times i never really understood what the rituals were meant for but as i grew older, i investigated and saw why they were necessary. however, the problem comes with the promise that L. Krsna gives to Arjuna in the Bhagavad Gita. He says in ch 4, v. 7-8 that he comes from time to time to reestablish dharma or restore righteousness if there is a threat to dharma....so i understand the purpose of L. Rama and L.Krsna's respective incarnations.....but then why do most Hindus not include L. Buddha when he is the 9th incarnation of L.Vishnu?
L. Buddha lived in the middle ages and at that time the world was in deep turmoil and the blood of many innocent lives were shed in the so-called "name of god" when it was really only to satisfy man's baser qualities. so there was a reincarnation. and the incarnate lived a life that was supposed to set an example. he did not give any scriptural injunctions nor did he say follow me, he left people to choose their path by looking at him and deciding what they would do based on his example. he did not set rules nor did he come to make a new religion. but yet, there is a new religion formed...he came to set hinduism right.....i guess. he showed us that the rituals needed to be performed upon ourselves and that god dwelled within us and we would realize the supreme within ourselves if we persisted and persevered....
sanatan dharma is deeply intertwined within the culture of the hindus and the hindu culture was formed in the ancient times....just like the other ancient civilizations like the mayas and the aztec that are no longer alive today...we see societal structures like theirs in our hinduism...so when and where do we distinguish religion from culture...when do we realize that there are some things that are not really needed that exist today and prevent us from truly realizing our supreme goals in life?...as a hindu, it is here i decide which road i walk...whether i walk the road of the hindus, or as a hindu, i walk my own road with the guidance of my inner being..........isn't this what hinduism really is....our interpretation and our version of what we think the supreme really is...and when we finally choose a path, we stick to that path and concentrate on it until the seeds split and eventually a tree with fruits replaces it?
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