A different chapter

It seems as if a few posts are missing in between here. Since the last 39 week update, the baby has been born (thankfully)! He came on Christmas Eve, quite a little surprise and yet, not so much a surprise. I was no where ready physically (except for having the usual Braxton Hicks contractions) but I'm guessing it was his time to make his entrance. Compared to what my friends spoke about and the nightmares of throwing up all the time, I had a relatively calm pregnancy. However, right at the very end, the plan of an all natural birth had to change. In fact, I was the first to change my mind and I don't regret it at all.

It ended up being a c-section after the doctors noted some major decelerations in the little guy's heartbeat. The doctor was discussing options that included inducing labor and hoping all goes well or having a c-section (it was my last option). Somewhere in that discussion it hit me that if his heartbeat was slowing that dramatically, then his brain would become starved for oxygen. It was at that point that I asked for the c-section. Turns out that he had gotten his cord around his neck and leg. I am not sure what I expected but it was surreal. They literally tug the baby out of you. I cannot say it hurt but it sure was a lot of tugging and I felt winded, as if I had gotten punched in the chest (not belly), even though I was under some heavy anesthesia. 

The little face surprised me. He was smaller than I expected and much more handsome than I could have ever imagined him to be. He also had a full head of hair. For some reason, I was thinking that he would have been close to 8lbs and he came out weighing under 5lb 12oz. Needless to say, we had to go shopping right after he was born because I had no tiny newborn onesies for him. I had bought everything with the 0-3 months tag. I still used them but in the beginning, he looked as if he was lost in his clothes. In fact, he would have fit in the newborn clothes but he was too long for them. I have yet to see the little rolls and I am guessing that I may not see them because Avi's a little busybody. He's quite active for a little baby and he tries to push himself forward when I put him on his belly. It's hard to believe that he was born only 13 weeks ago! Sometimes it feels as if it was longer.

I started this blog a while ago and stopped at this point. I will continue now. Avi is 6 months.

That brings me to what I have to say about this post pregnancy blues->depression thing. It's no joke. It happens. You have to watch for it and know what it is. I had one close friend who I spoke with all through it. It is a serious matter and no one should have to feel guilty for not being sad. You see, the world expects you to be happy and elated but you are in your own little world with only this baby. Most women stay home in the beginning at least and many times, it's hard to take the baby out and you're mostly alone. You're alone because you don't really feel up to seeing anyone everyday because taking care of  the baby is work and although I like people, I like a lot of alone time. Also, it was the first time in my adult life that I was home for more than 2 months. The house started feeling small. I wanted to be out but I didn't want to leave the baby because I kept thinking that not long ago, he was a part of me.
I did manage to leave the house without the baby while his dad watched him and it felt great. Somehow, you have to do this. The one thing I would say is that I get dressed up a little better now. I think it is important to feel pretty even though you're carrying a little extra weight and maybe a post-pregnancy baby bump still.
Six months have passed and not too long ago, I was driving home and I realized that I was happy and I wanted to be around people again. I think while you need to talk, you also need time to get used to the change...emotionally. I didn't realize it but although the pregnancy was relatively quiet, my body and mind were also going through major changed of which I was completely oblivious. I will say that the first few months are rough and if you are blue, talk to someone and get out of  the house. I had help and I still felt this way. I am happy to say that it does get better and you do end up enjoying the baby after all.

Mommyhood

Hi,
I'm back. It's been six months since the little guy made his debut into this world. The time is passing. Soon I will go back to work and I am dreading it. I look at him and how he finds me in a room full of people and will smile at me. It breaks my heart. I think this must be the hardest part about being a working mom. The fact is, I don't think that there is any mom who will want to leave her child and go back to work but it's less strained when there's two of us working. Lately, we've been joking about me quitting the first week I go back. We'll see how that goes.
Back to the little guy. He's an absolute joy. I think that his personality is coming out more and more as he is learning to do things. It's strange how he works. In just six months, I've watched him go from being completely helpless to striving for his independence as he learns to play with his toys and try to sit up and move on his own. He loves music! Not the loud kind but calm, steady melodies. Lately, the only thing that puts him to sleep is the music box version of "You'll be in my heart," by Phil Collins from Tarzan. Oh, and he's in the teething process. I'm waiting for that little tooth to pop up one of these days. For now, it's a lot of drool and breaking out the bibs.
We've also started him on stage 1 solids. I waited until he was almost 4 months to do this because I wanted to make sure that he was ready for it. He wasn't at first and it was just something I gave him a taste of every other day. Eventually, though, he was ready. He likes his veggies more than the fruits. In the last week, I've started him on oat cereal and he is doing well with that too.I really didn't want to begin with rice cereal because I read that it was constipating. Plus, I like the "healthy," non-powdery look of the oat cereal.
As time goes, I may work backwards and speak about those first few months that all parents seem to go through in a daze. It's an experience. Today, I have bought a little vegan cupcake to celebrate the little guy's half-birthday.