My take on Hindustani classical music:)

I always wanted to learn music...like really study it in a way that I understood what was happening when the singer was singing..not necessarily that I would become a singer but I just wanted to know. Today, thanks to Ami's constant study and listening to him practice, I have a series of bandishes (small tunes that define the raagas and allowed for "heard" passing along of the music through generations) in my head and I can pretty much figure out from the feeling evoked what time of the day they need to be sung. Sometimes, I can be wrong on the time though...I have a bias for certain raagas:).
Hindustani classical music is so vast that you can never really learn the full depth of it but tonight I felt happy. I was listening to an old song...pyar kiya to darna kya (madhubala movie) and I heard the first seven seconds of the video and was able to tell that raaga darbari was being defined.
In all of my years, I never thought that I would be able to figure out what was going on and now, not only do I know what was happening, I figured out that two other raagas (jaunpuri and adana) that happen to be favorites of mine were related to darbari...but darbari is heavier (for want of a better word) and more regal. Darbari and Hameer remind me of court music and by listening to it, you feel as if you are transported to the kingly courts of India's past. With entertainment like that, who needs a tv!
I saw tonight what Ami always says about achieving moksha through intense study of music. For a musician, it is their bliss, their commune. Sometimes, when I listen to him sing, he has so much fun that he would sing if no one was there to listen to him.
The one downside to all of this hearing is that your ear becomes trained to listen for what the singer is doing or about to do and to anticipate it. When the sound you are expecting to hear does not come, the errors manifest and you cannot fully enjoy the performance...Realized this the other day when I listen to Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan (a giant, and a favorite of mine) sing "chaap tilak." Thankfully, I am nowhere near to the feeling that Ami describes as "nails scraping on a chalkboard." ..and he still appreciates Nusrat's music...will never say that about a giant in the field! Either way, the good thing about the music of Nusrat-ji is it puts you in that Sufi vortex and you get caught in the energy of his songs.
So in my spiritual travel, I have entered this field of learning...of really letting the music sink in through every pore and get fully absorbed until it is nothing...no more feeling attached to it.
And one more thing...I think i really like music! It's not just Hindustani but any music that is sung from the belly (within). I obviously need to work on my descriptions! It's like painting a picture...and it's strange because each raaga has it's own manifestation in painted art too! Ami's enthusiasm has grown on me and I've come to believe in the idea that if you really long for something, you will get it. I remember the days when we were newly married, in the little apartment when Ami sang and realized that he could go no further if he didn't have a teacher. Then his guruji came through the very door of that apartment:) In the course of his study, I was able to learn things that he described and I always wanted to know.

spiritual crossroads

I am not sure what is going on in my head but a few weeks ago, the thought came to my head that i was in need of spiritual advancement. I feel as if i am frustrated now. i am at a point where i need to find a pathway and i am seeing it but cannot get there fast enough. it is the frustration that keeps you awake at night in the silence. Not sure what needs to be done but i do not want to lose the feeling of what is beneath the surface. I feel as if i am someone walking on a lake that is iced over and i am seeing what is beneath but i cannot get under.
I have been repeating a the lines of Adishankara, "chidananda roopam shivoham shivoham" over and over in my head and i think i am ready to learn more and move ahead. I pray that i don't lose this feeling. with it, i feel satisfied and contented. imagine that, the mere thought of becoming closer makes one happy! the prevailing thought is that all else does not matter.
on another note, i was speaking to a friend the other day about the feeling of contentment and she said that it may not really exist because of the lower levels of maslow's hierarchy and human yearning to fulfill those levels does not allow for contentment. for a while, i wondered if being of Hindu heritage made contentment a possibility minus Maslow. my only answer was to state that i may be the exception to the rule that makes every psychologist's world less than perfect. or another reasoning was that there were not many things i needed to accomplish and i had already climbed my ladder.