I just finished watching the second half of "forrest gump." tom hanks is amazing in that movie and the movie is loaded with quotable quotes. if you want a quick review of american history, this is your movie. it is one of the movies that hollywood really excelled in making. now, there is a piece in that movie, where robin wright introduces him to his son...that piece is filmed in savannah, georgia. savannah is one of the cities that is worth visiting. it beckons to you and it really captivates you when you are there. walking the streets of savannah makes one feel as if one has stepped back into history.
because i live in south florida, i appreciate this more. the reason is that most of south florida was undeveloped until the 1960s when wealthier northeasterners started the real estate boom here. there are no old buildings in south florida. it is a young place. even miami is pretty young. most of the architecture is from the 60s with the pastel paints and caribbean style windows. when you walk in the streets of savannah, you feel the age of the city. suddenly, jeans and a t-shirt is out of place and you feel as if you should be wearing colonial costumes to fit into the city. the roads leading down to the river are brick roads. the houses are old. everything is old and so well preserved. the thing about savannah is that you know it is savannah from the moment you see the houses or the parks...very much like associating the eiffel tower with paris. i guess that is the closest i can come to describing savannah. it is beautiful. a must see city.
this weekend, if all goes well, i will be going on another trip. this time i want to see stone mountain, georgia. the hospitality of the georgians is incredible. they put the southern in southern hospitality. there is no other state up the I-95 like georgia. when you enter georgia, there's a sign at the welcome center that says: " we're glad georgia's on your mind." it really sums it all up. We stayed in a Days Inn last summer in georgia. It was clean and the lady behind the desk was actually chatting with us and being helpful. usually, the receptionists are there watching tv. this one was there with the biggest smile on her face. even when we went for food in the fast food restaurant (we are a bunch of younguns, we ain't going to cook on vacation), we had the best treatment. made us feel as if we were eating at a more classy place. that is what i call hospitality!
well needless to say, i have been bad for the last week or so. santa wouldn't get me no presents this year! i guess i do it to get my way. i've been arguing with my parents to go on the trip. they are usually iffy when we say that we are heading out of town. they worry too much sometimes. and i guess i don't think that much. maybe i am a little too hot headed. something tells me that everything will be okay though. i am working myself up in a little frenzy that does me no good. in the end, everyone but me will be okay. usually ends up that way anyway. i feel as if i must do this though. for my sake.
last night i dreamt my godfather. i usually dream him in his turban and indian wear. last night i dreamt that he walked up and hugged me from the side. he told me that i was special and he really reassured me that things would be okay. i know that dreaming him is good. to have him speak is even better becuase usually, when i see him in my dreams, he never talks to me directly. this time he did. i guess for me, i know he died physically, but i know his spirit is there. he leads me still. and when he appears in my dreams, i know that things work out well. and life is a box of chocolates!
Sunday, January 29, 2006
Saturday, January 28, 2006
life since i ran.....
Exercising is like shelling peas.......it clears your mind. and if you are wondering what i am talking about, try shelling peas...it is something that you do not think about. in trinidad, my grandparents worked the land. they made money from agriculture and some of the biggest houses in trinidad were bought with "garden money." there are precious few things in the world that one finds that will completely relax oneself. shelling peas tops the list for me. i guess it is in my blood. there is something that is really unique...no matter how far we travelled from trinidad and how long ago our grandparents died, every member of my father's side of the family gardens for a hobby. and it's not just flowers...my uncle plants tomatoes and fruit trees, my father plants peas and sorrel in the backyard (bears for christmas), another uncle does it professionally, and another plants the provisions and peppers. even the aunts do it. you cannot take it out of our blood. and i am pretty sure that some of them could make barren land fertile. that's a green thumb for you.
so back to shelling peas....it's a little skill involved...to prevent staining your fingers. we've shelled peas into all hours of the night. now, we fight to shell it. if my dad gets to it first, we dont get a chance. he hogs the whole set and wouldnt let anyone touch his peas. i guess it clears his mind too. it's a strange thing to watch....everyone sits around a table piled high with freshly picked pods and we shell the peas out of the pod. no one talks...it's like a silent conversation....until nan gets an old pea that has a worm...then she has to scream... and vinod takes pleasure in letting the little worm torture her for a little. it's a race to see who can shell the most....that determines how much you can eat. you earn your fair share of peas. since nan and my dad are the fastest, they usually end up fighting for the last pea in the pot.
so...back to the exercising now....i have been feeling great. walking is something that i enjoy. walking anywhere in any weather is fine for me. i've lost a few pounds but the happiness comes in knowing that i can exercise and run even without feeling as if i will die if i run. after a while, i get on a little high and i feel as if i could continue walking for a long long time. i will admit, good music always helps but i can walk without the music too. sometimes, my thoughts accompany me for the entire three or four miles. they can really occupy my time. for someone like nan, that is way too much thinking...so she needs the music...nah, she acutally can run 4 miles!!!! me, i can only do 1, but it is an accomplishment so far. one day i will do 2, then 3, then hopefully 4. for now, i will think of my peas while i walk tonight........
so back to shelling peas....it's a little skill involved...to prevent staining your fingers. we've shelled peas into all hours of the night. now, we fight to shell it. if my dad gets to it first, we dont get a chance. he hogs the whole set and wouldnt let anyone touch his peas. i guess it clears his mind too. it's a strange thing to watch....everyone sits around a table piled high with freshly picked pods and we shell the peas out of the pod. no one talks...it's like a silent conversation....until nan gets an old pea that has a worm...then she has to scream... and vinod takes pleasure in letting the little worm torture her for a little. it's a race to see who can shell the most....that determines how much you can eat. you earn your fair share of peas. since nan and my dad are the fastest, they usually end up fighting for the last pea in the pot.
so...back to the exercising now....i have been feeling great. walking is something that i enjoy. walking anywhere in any weather is fine for me. i've lost a few pounds but the happiness comes in knowing that i can exercise and run even without feeling as if i will die if i run. after a while, i get on a little high and i feel as if i could continue walking for a long long time. i will admit, good music always helps but i can walk without the music too. sometimes, my thoughts accompany me for the entire three or four miles. they can really occupy my time. for someone like nan, that is way too much thinking...so she needs the music...nah, she acutally can run 4 miles!!!! me, i can only do 1, but it is an accomplishment so far. one day i will do 2, then 3, then hopefully 4. for now, i will think of my peas while i walk tonight........
Monday, January 16, 2006
i RAN today!!!!!
I am still trying to celebrate my little joy of running for a mile today. I have never done this before in my entire life and tonight I really tried and i did it! i guess my heart is okay after all. well at least i feel a little bit fit now. have been trying to take the vitamins too. they taste horrible and they are really big and green but i practically force them down my throat. the prescribed dose is two per day but they were just too big to take two so one will have to suffice. it's the GNC's One a Day Women. i often wonder what will happen if men were to accidentally take this...hmmmm. But yeah, as soon as i was done running, i hurried to tell nan about my little accomplishment. i expected her to get up and hug me but she didn't....maybe she wanted me to shower first. running is a lot different from walking. i can walk for as long as my legs can take it because it is my favorite exercise.....actually it is a wonderful mind clearer, but running takes will; lots of it! hopefully, i will be able to do this more often now.
so yes, back to the chocolate cake diaries....i had another piece of it today...and boy was it good! i definitely have a sweet tooth. my only justification is that i eat it at breakfast and no other time. figure that by the end of the day, it will be worked out and most of the calories will be consumed. on that note, i put fertilizer and MiracleGro on the roses today. They didn't seem to be doing well in the cold weather. Hopefully they will be better off now.
the cough is still there from the cold that i had. i suppose that i am 95% back to normal now. i guess the coughing is my body's way of ridding myself of the cold germs. ewwwww! realized that the medicine is not working well with me. i look at it and i remember this medicine i used to take when i was little. it was cherry flavored and looked like pepto bismol but it smelled like a hospital....like the rubbing alcohol mixed with the disenfectant scent...see, i have this habit of smelling everything that i eat (which offends nan all the time...especially when i am eating her food)...and it doesn't always work in my favor.
why do people have to take medicine in the first place? why couldn't there be preventative measures for everything? like vaccines and ways to prevent rather than to cure things? i guess then the pharmaceutical industries will be bankrupt. i'd rather take a shot than to take medicine and have to convince myself that it's going to taste like chocolate cake or icecream.
i was going to say more today but i am coughing now. better get to sleeping. it's already late and tomorrow, i may have to work. Not quite sure yet. Not exactly enthusiastic about it either. It's Martin Luther King day. Supposed to be a public holiday here in the US of A but i am not sure yet if i have the day off. usually, my work schedule is based upon the school holidays during the semesters. When i used to have the day off, I used to say thank God for Martin Luther King....but even if i don't have the day off, i would still say it. He did good things for a great number of people...not only blacks, but for the minorities in the US....and i am a minority.
this reminds me of something....On CNN tonight there was this special on Voice Profiling. it's like racial profiling but by figuring out the person's voice. See here in the US, there are different accents based on what part of the country one comes from. After a while of living here, you know where a person is from by the way they pronounce certain vowels. Especially the A. Then there are the American Blacks, who speak in a very different way, their speech is more distinct in the south...because of this, they are discriminated against even when they are on the telephone. the program showed a white caller and a black caller talking to a person about a possible rental of an apartment. the owner of the apartment gave more details to the white caller than to the black caller and seemed more willing to have the white caller as a tenant. even until now, there are still problems like these. this is sad. we call ourselves civilized and yet we cannot respect other humans...or even treat them as equal...not even that! and the worst thing was that the landlord had an indian accent...and yeah, that is hard to miss too.....made me feel embarrassed because i am indian and i do have an accent too....and it is not indian but a mixture of caribbean and southern drawl....go figure!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
so yes, back to the chocolate cake diaries....i had another piece of it today...and boy was it good! i definitely have a sweet tooth. my only justification is that i eat it at breakfast and no other time. figure that by the end of the day, it will be worked out and most of the calories will be consumed. on that note, i put fertilizer and MiracleGro on the roses today. They didn't seem to be doing well in the cold weather. Hopefully they will be better off now.
the cough is still there from the cold that i had. i suppose that i am 95% back to normal now. i guess the coughing is my body's way of ridding myself of the cold germs. ewwwww! realized that the medicine is not working well with me. i look at it and i remember this medicine i used to take when i was little. it was cherry flavored and looked like pepto bismol but it smelled like a hospital....like the rubbing alcohol mixed with the disenfectant scent...see, i have this habit of smelling everything that i eat (which offends nan all the time...especially when i am eating her food)...and it doesn't always work in my favor.
why do people have to take medicine in the first place? why couldn't there be preventative measures for everything? like vaccines and ways to prevent rather than to cure things? i guess then the pharmaceutical industries will be bankrupt. i'd rather take a shot than to take medicine and have to convince myself that it's going to taste like chocolate cake or icecream.
i was going to say more today but i am coughing now. better get to sleeping. it's already late and tomorrow, i may have to work. Not quite sure yet. Not exactly enthusiastic about it either. It's Martin Luther King day. Supposed to be a public holiday here in the US of A but i am not sure yet if i have the day off. usually, my work schedule is based upon the school holidays during the semesters. When i used to have the day off, I used to say thank God for Martin Luther King....but even if i don't have the day off, i would still say it. He did good things for a great number of people...not only blacks, but for the minorities in the US....and i am a minority.
this reminds me of something....On CNN tonight there was this special on Voice Profiling. it's like racial profiling but by figuring out the person's voice. See here in the US, there are different accents based on what part of the country one comes from. After a while of living here, you know where a person is from by the way they pronounce certain vowels. Especially the A. Then there are the American Blacks, who speak in a very different way, their speech is more distinct in the south...because of this, they are discriminated against even when they are on the telephone. the program showed a white caller and a black caller talking to a person about a possible rental of an apartment. the owner of the apartment gave more details to the white caller than to the black caller and seemed more willing to have the white caller as a tenant. even until now, there are still problems like these. this is sad. we call ourselves civilized and yet we cannot respect other humans...or even treat them as equal...not even that! and the worst thing was that the landlord had an indian accent...and yeah, that is hard to miss too.....made me feel embarrassed because i am indian and i do have an accent too....and it is not indian but a mixture of caribbean and southern drawl....go figure!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sunday, January 15, 2006
Before i go off to read......
Nan gave me some news today...about eating cake. It is the one weakness we have. If there is chocolate cake in the fridge, it is my greatest enemy. By all means, i must finish it. She told me that cake is only meant to be eaten 3 times a week and no more. Well i am eating the cake but to compensate, i am walking an extra mile everyday in order to enjoy it. Good things always carry a steep price with them. And yes, with that, i am trying to disqualifiy myself from becoming the pillsbury dough girl. by the way, ami said that he was only joking when he said that. now i've begun to exercise and he is saying that i don't need to. guys! as for my cake, i am eating it...with enthusiasm and very slowly...but less of it..
i am about to start reading my book again now. crime and punishment is the name. it's the new dostoevsky book i am reading. i watched "the saint" again today. for like the third time.val kilmer is one of my favorites. apart from him, the movie had a lot of references to physics and it was just overall, a really cool movie. I liked it also partly because it is set in russia and that is where all my novels i am reading right now are set. now back to the topic at hand. the novel is pretty good so far. it takes one right into the pits of human nature and brings the person back up to the pinnacle. right now, i am in the pits section.
i would have had to work tomorrow morning if the boss didnt call and tell me that i didnt have to. i am so happy that he said that. almost didn't want to answer the phone when he was calling but i decided to answer. for once it was great news. not really too excited about working on sundays. it breaks my entire routine for sundays. plus the cold has left me with bouts of non-stop coughing. i am trying to remedy that though....with the least possible amount of medicine. so i am going to take the vitamins and then start reading.
i am about to start reading my book again now. crime and punishment is the name. it's the new dostoevsky book i am reading. i watched "the saint" again today. for like the third time.val kilmer is one of my favorites. apart from him, the movie had a lot of references to physics and it was just overall, a really cool movie. I liked it also partly because it is set in russia and that is where all my novels i am reading right now are set. now back to the topic at hand. the novel is pretty good so far. it takes one right into the pits of human nature and brings the person back up to the pinnacle. right now, i am in the pits section.
i would have had to work tomorrow morning if the boss didnt call and tell me that i didnt have to. i am so happy that he said that. almost didn't want to answer the phone when he was calling but i decided to answer. for once it was great news. not really too excited about working on sundays. it breaks my entire routine for sundays. plus the cold has left me with bouts of non-stop coughing. i am trying to remedy that though....with the least possible amount of medicine. so i am going to take the vitamins and then start reading.
Wednesday, January 11, 2006
to succumb or not succumb...to the cold that is..
After a while of dealing with people who are sick and sneezing on you, you end up getting their germs on you and inhaling them. I guess i inhaled a lot more than my fair share because i have the cold and i have been feeling nauseous all day. in fact, this morning, i threw up three times. I think it is the medicine. I even bought those little alka seltzer ones that dissolve in the water so that i wouldn't have to swallow pills. they were just the same. for the entire day, all i did was sleep. i woke up from the bed and went to the couch and slept there. finally, i decided to get up and walk until i sweated out the fever. now, there is no fever but there is the uncomfortable feeling of the cold on me. i hope it goes. Today i took the day off from work. after the second time i threw up, i was still thinking of going to work but then i changed my mind after the third time. i had a really bad headache too. i felt as if my head was a rock on my neck.
nan came into the room, looked at the floor where i threw up, threw me a roll of paper towels and left. talk about love! tomorrow i said i will work. Hopefully, i will not wake up feeling sick like i did today. I tried so hard not to get sick but i guess i was pushing it for too long. maybe it's better to just take it easy for a little bit and deal with the cold head on. When i walked i felt better. Tomorrow is a short day at work. i only have to go in for 6 hours. However, 6 hours can seem like a lifetime when you are away from home and sick. especially when the bosses are there. thank goodness they will not be there until i am ready to leave tomorrow.
my mom bought home a chocolate cake today. i felt so happy when i heard that she did but the thing is, it didn't taste as it should because the medicine taste was still there. hopefully i can get better soon...then i will enjoy the cake...our preference is really clear....as nan said, even if the cake was buried underground, she would dig it up, find it and eat it!
nan came into the room, looked at the floor where i threw up, threw me a roll of paper towels and left. talk about love! tomorrow i said i will work. Hopefully, i will not wake up feeling sick like i did today. I tried so hard not to get sick but i guess i was pushing it for too long. maybe it's better to just take it easy for a little bit and deal with the cold head on. When i walked i felt better. Tomorrow is a short day at work. i only have to go in for 6 hours. However, 6 hours can seem like a lifetime when you are away from home and sick. especially when the bosses are there. thank goodness they will not be there until i am ready to leave tomorrow.
my mom bought home a chocolate cake today. i felt so happy when i heard that she did but the thing is, it didn't taste as it should because the medicine taste was still there. hopefully i can get better soon...then i will enjoy the cake...our preference is really clear....as nan said, even if the cake was buried underground, she would dig it up, find it and eat it!
Wednesday, January 04, 2006
the Internet woes, the new year...so far....
I just realized that before the internet, i had a steady stream of letters coming to me in the mail...and i do not mean bills alone...real letters from my friends. now i am lucky if i can even get a forward out of them. it seems as if everyone's life is busy...including mine. well at least i had the time to check! and it's almost 1:30 am. Tomorrow i work from maybe 2 until 9 in the evening. and then thursday i am back there again at 7 am until the boss sees that the books are not that busy anymore. then friday morning i am there at 6am. I am not sure how i am going to do it but i know I will definitely be banking my sleep. I guess that is what i will be spending sunday doing.
The new year just started and i am exercising. I am hoping that i can keep this up. Being an Indian is a hard thing sometimes when it comes to weight. Indian girls are really anorexic looking skinny. Well most of the ones I know are. And the thing is, I am at my normal weight for my height. Being around them makes me look fat so i try not to be in places where i would see them. that may not be healthy for me. I know i gained some weight but I am not excessively fat. I think I just need to walk a little. I am trying but Vin made this really really cool pasta late tonight and i had to have it. the cheese on it was just telling me, "eat me.." so i did. had to walk for 1 hour before i was able to tell myself that my arteries would not get clogged. but Vin can really cook well. He knows that i am a big fan of his mac and cheese. the cheese he uses is not the powdered one though...
so back to the internet woes. I used to have my journal on HI5 but now i am not interested in putting my journal there. I guess i got bored faster than i thought i would. I found a lot of my friends i never heard from since trinidad but now, i wonder if it was such a good idea to do that. people grow up and they get their own lives and many of these people are people who i will never speak with again....far less for now...i hardly ever send them a message and there are only two people i really communicate with there anyway. I guess it is not for me. in fact, the one girl who was my friend, still emails me regularly (when she is not busy, that is) and the other guy, he calls me once in a blue moon because he said i was sending him too many forwards. I will not send him any emails now, not even a real email because i do not know if my one little email might be too much for him. i figured that his other new acquaintances will be sending him messages so he would want to keep his mailbox open for that. everyone wants a prospective date. except my friend is gay. i have no problem with that but i do not think i am the one who is spoiling this friendship. to call him in NY will cost me nothing and i can call anytime but i refuse to do that too. maybe it's me but i read all my forwards and i thought that my friend would not mind but i guess he drifted too....
by the way...i've now set up my bills online so i receive email reminders of when i should pay...so much for getting an email!
Otherwise, the new year is moving along. Pretty soon, it will be the old year. It's a bit busy at work but this is how it always is in the book business. The best part is when it is not busy, i read some of the books....so there is always something to learn if i am willing to look at it that way...and not let the boss get to me. my friend is doing okay. she brought me venezuelan cheese today. before i saw the cheese, she was telling me that the cheese tastes good when it is fried...and i was thinking in my head, "what kind of wierdo eats fried cheese...," then i saw the cheese. yep, it's fryable. and it is really different too. to me, it tasted bad at first because i was not used to the flavor but after two bites, i liked it. We took down the christmas decorations today. it took ten minutes to take them down and 2 hours to put them up. Go figure! but the store looks bare now. I liked the decorations better. Actually, no one waited for the epiphany...the boss was getting tired of the decorations and he wanted them down. so when he called, my friend and i practically pulled them all down. we didnt do much damage though. Actually, i caused more damage trying to put them up. i only ripped one tinsel. when i was putting them up, i broke a collectable corona mirror. an old lady once told me that those mirrors were worth a lot of money...and old people usually know about antique things...no pun intended!
The new year just started and i am exercising. I am hoping that i can keep this up. Being an Indian is a hard thing sometimes when it comes to weight. Indian girls are really anorexic looking skinny. Well most of the ones I know are. And the thing is, I am at my normal weight for my height. Being around them makes me look fat so i try not to be in places where i would see them. that may not be healthy for me. I know i gained some weight but I am not excessively fat. I think I just need to walk a little. I am trying but Vin made this really really cool pasta late tonight and i had to have it. the cheese on it was just telling me, "eat me.." so i did. had to walk for 1 hour before i was able to tell myself that my arteries would not get clogged. but Vin can really cook well. He knows that i am a big fan of his mac and cheese. the cheese he uses is not the powdered one though...
so back to the internet woes. I used to have my journal on HI5 but now i am not interested in putting my journal there. I guess i got bored faster than i thought i would. I found a lot of my friends i never heard from since trinidad but now, i wonder if it was such a good idea to do that. people grow up and they get their own lives and many of these people are people who i will never speak with again....far less for now...i hardly ever send them a message and there are only two people i really communicate with there anyway. I guess it is not for me. in fact, the one girl who was my friend, still emails me regularly (when she is not busy, that is) and the other guy, he calls me once in a blue moon because he said i was sending him too many forwards. I will not send him any emails now, not even a real email because i do not know if my one little email might be too much for him. i figured that his other new acquaintances will be sending him messages so he would want to keep his mailbox open for that. everyone wants a prospective date. except my friend is gay. i have no problem with that but i do not think i am the one who is spoiling this friendship. to call him in NY will cost me nothing and i can call anytime but i refuse to do that too. maybe it's me but i read all my forwards and i thought that my friend would not mind but i guess he drifted too....
by the way...i've now set up my bills online so i receive email reminders of when i should pay...so much for getting an email!
Otherwise, the new year is moving along. Pretty soon, it will be the old year. It's a bit busy at work but this is how it always is in the book business. The best part is when it is not busy, i read some of the books....so there is always something to learn if i am willing to look at it that way...and not let the boss get to me. my friend is doing okay. she brought me venezuelan cheese today. before i saw the cheese, she was telling me that the cheese tastes good when it is fried...and i was thinking in my head, "what kind of wierdo eats fried cheese...," then i saw the cheese. yep, it's fryable. and it is really different too. to me, it tasted bad at first because i was not used to the flavor but after two bites, i liked it. We took down the christmas decorations today. it took ten minutes to take them down and 2 hours to put them up. Go figure! but the store looks bare now. I liked the decorations better. Actually, no one waited for the epiphany...the boss was getting tired of the decorations and he wanted them down. so when he called, my friend and i practically pulled them all down. we didnt do much damage though. Actually, i caused more damage trying to put them up. i only ripped one tinsel. when i was putting them up, i broke a collectable corona mirror. an old lady once told me that those mirrors were worth a lot of money...and old people usually know about antique things...no pun intended!
Monday, January 02, 2006
Crime and Punishment....another Dostoevsky classic....and Life
I've begun reading a much smaller Dostoevsky novel called Crime and Punishment. It is a classic as well and i am enjoying the smell of the book too. So far, i haven't progressed much into the novel to give a sound opinion but it is interesting. I know it because it has been two days since i last read and i am still thinking about what will happen next. what amazes me about Dostoevsky is his ability to write large novels like The Brothers Karamazov with what was probably only a pen and paper. I doubt very much that a typewriter was invented in his time. he was mid 1800s.
I am happy now...Nan is reading the book but she is a bit apprehensive. it has been a while since she read a big book the likes of Brothers Karamazov. she will like it though. I know her taste. and she will feel the same sinking feeling in the end and i guess like most people who love reading for the sake of analyzing the books, she will long to read the sequel novel that Dostoevsky never wrote.
Crime and Punishment is a promising book. I look forward to reading.
Now about my life.....We have been praying for my uncle's departed soul for the last few days and we have found solace in it. Mummy no longer cries as much and I guess we have accepted his death. It will still remain with us...the loss that is...for a while but eventually, we will remember him for the life he lived.
Before we heard the news, i had spent lots of time at the malls shopping for presents. a few days before christmas, i saw my ex-boyfriend after 2 and 1/2 years. i recognized him because his dress style has not changed at all for that long time. meanwhile, i have evolved from track pants and t-shirts to dresses, skirts, jeans and blouses...now that i look back on that relationship, i guess i never really put the effort into it....not even for something as simple as dressing like a girl. anyway, i was looking at shoes in Dillards when i looked up in time to see his sister pointing at me. he saw me too. my reaction was what surprised me. i froze and i could feel my heart pounding against my ribs. ami took my hand and led me out of the store. in the parking lot, he said that he didn't want to stay before the ex said something and there was trouble. i know that i was over the ex because i didnt feel anything....no love, no hate...nothing except maybe fear. what surprised me was that i was afraid of him after so long. hopefully, one day i will overcome this. really, i guess he only lives 2 miles away from where i do but i managed to not see him for so long that i thought that he had literally fallen off the face of the earth. or maybe he was visiting for christmas. whatever it was, i do not take pleasure in seeing him.
ami came over after work tonight. there is precious little things that i can cook that tastes good enough for him, or anyone for that matter, to eat. however, i can make these little "empanada-like" things that he likes. i guess the thing that makes it taste good is the cheese. cheese has a way of making food taste better. at least in america. i am indian but the only spices i like are the ones that are associated with the sweet foods. not really a fan of the spicy spices. but i considered the health part of the equation. i did not fry the "pies" but i baked them in the toaster oven with the littlest amount of butter i could possibly use. there was olives in the "pies" and the dough had flaxseeds. both are good to control cholesterol. well ami liked them. i felt like how one of those cooks on the food networks feel when people enjoy their food=0) yeah right! i have a long way to go. cooking is not really my thing and i am still a long way from wanting to make it my thing! until then, there is frozen broccolli and cheese that i can microwave for 1 minute!!!!!
I am happy now...Nan is reading the book but she is a bit apprehensive. it has been a while since she read a big book the likes of Brothers Karamazov. she will like it though. I know her taste. and she will feel the same sinking feeling in the end and i guess like most people who love reading for the sake of analyzing the books, she will long to read the sequel novel that Dostoevsky never wrote.
Crime and Punishment is a promising book. I look forward to reading.
Now about my life.....We have been praying for my uncle's departed soul for the last few days and we have found solace in it. Mummy no longer cries as much and I guess we have accepted his death. It will still remain with us...the loss that is...for a while but eventually, we will remember him for the life he lived.
Before we heard the news, i had spent lots of time at the malls shopping for presents. a few days before christmas, i saw my ex-boyfriend after 2 and 1/2 years. i recognized him because his dress style has not changed at all for that long time. meanwhile, i have evolved from track pants and t-shirts to dresses, skirts, jeans and blouses...now that i look back on that relationship, i guess i never really put the effort into it....not even for something as simple as dressing like a girl. anyway, i was looking at shoes in Dillards when i looked up in time to see his sister pointing at me. he saw me too. my reaction was what surprised me. i froze and i could feel my heart pounding against my ribs. ami took my hand and led me out of the store. in the parking lot, he said that he didn't want to stay before the ex said something and there was trouble. i know that i was over the ex because i didnt feel anything....no love, no hate...nothing except maybe fear. what surprised me was that i was afraid of him after so long. hopefully, one day i will overcome this. really, i guess he only lives 2 miles away from where i do but i managed to not see him for so long that i thought that he had literally fallen off the face of the earth. or maybe he was visiting for christmas. whatever it was, i do not take pleasure in seeing him.
ami came over after work tonight. there is precious little things that i can cook that tastes good enough for him, or anyone for that matter, to eat. however, i can make these little "empanada-like" things that he likes. i guess the thing that makes it taste good is the cheese. cheese has a way of making food taste better. at least in america. i am indian but the only spices i like are the ones that are associated with the sweet foods. not really a fan of the spicy spices. but i considered the health part of the equation. i did not fry the "pies" but i baked them in the toaster oven with the littlest amount of butter i could possibly use. there was olives in the "pies" and the dough had flaxseeds. both are good to control cholesterol. well ami liked them. i felt like how one of those cooks on the food networks feel when people enjoy their food=0) yeah right! i have a long way to go. cooking is not really my thing and i am still a long way from wanting to make it my thing! until then, there is frozen broccolli and cheese that i can microwave for 1 minute!!!!!
Sunday, January 01, 2006
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