Two days ago, I sat on the floor in the mandir chanting the Hanuman Chalisa trying to get to the 108th chalisa in celebration of Hanuman Jayanti. I remembered sitting on the floor in his room doing the same thing not too long ago. See, in order to finish the 108 chalisas, we chant really quickly and I was leading the group for quite some time. This time, every chalisa I sang brought back memories of my cousin. He used to love Lord Hanuman. I thought of the night on the floor in his room when he could barely talk because his lungs were no longer holding the air and he would mouth the words of the prayer. Sometimes, he would fall asleep during the prayers and when I looked at him, he would be smiling at something in the sleep. Back then, I really focused on the couplet, "nasai rog harai sab peera, japat nirantar hanumat beera." On the morning I left, the day before he died, he was finally asleep after a long night. I couldn't wake him so I stood at his bedside and I prayed to Mahaveer asking Him to take away the pain. I kissed him on his head and said a prayer over and over. In many ways, the pain and disease as well as the suffering all all gone. Completely. Along with him. It will be two months soon.
Thursday, April 01, 2010
drawing analogies or parallels
It seems as if only the chosen few have stuck with blogging. Life came up and all of a sudden everyone got busy. I am not too certain where I am at right now. Somewhere in my mind, I know my cousin died and I am not sure if it is a natural defense mechanism but I am trying to not allow myself to think at all about him during the day. The nights are different though.
Two days ago, I sat on the floor in the mandir chanting the Hanuman Chalisa trying to get to the 108th chalisa in celebration of Hanuman Jayanti. I remembered sitting on the floor in his room doing the same thing not too long ago. See, in order to finish the 108 chalisas, we chant really quickly and I was leading the group for quite some time. This time, every chalisa I sang brought back memories of my cousin. He used to love Lord Hanuman. I thought of the night on the floor in his room when he could barely talk because his lungs were no longer holding the air and he would mouth the words of the prayer. Sometimes, he would fall asleep during the prayers and when I looked at him, he would be smiling at something in the sleep. Back then, I really focused on the couplet, "nasai rog harai sab peera, japat nirantar hanumat beera." On the morning I left, the day before he died, he was finally asleep after a long night. I couldn't wake him so I stood at his bedside and I prayed to Mahaveer asking Him to take away the pain. I kissed him on his head and said a prayer over and over. In many ways, the pain and disease as well as the suffering all all gone. Completely. Along with him. It will be two months soon.
Two days ago, I sat on the floor in the mandir chanting the Hanuman Chalisa trying to get to the 108th chalisa in celebration of Hanuman Jayanti. I remembered sitting on the floor in his room doing the same thing not too long ago. See, in order to finish the 108 chalisas, we chant really quickly and I was leading the group for quite some time. This time, every chalisa I sang brought back memories of my cousin. He used to love Lord Hanuman. I thought of the night on the floor in his room when he could barely talk because his lungs were no longer holding the air and he would mouth the words of the prayer. Sometimes, he would fall asleep during the prayers and when I looked at him, he would be smiling at something in the sleep. Back then, I really focused on the couplet, "nasai rog harai sab peera, japat nirantar hanumat beera." On the morning I left, the day before he died, he was finally asleep after a long night. I couldn't wake him so I stood at his bedside and I prayed to Mahaveer asking Him to take away the pain. I kissed him on his head and said a prayer over and over. In many ways, the pain and disease as well as the suffering all all gone. Completely. Along with him. It will be two months soon.
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